Nate the Snake

PM · Posts: 9 Join date: 2009-04-01

There's this civil engineer who
has a dream of a super-interstate-highway running from Los Angeles to
Washington DC. After years of lobbying, he finally is awarded a
contract to construct a perfectly-flat, perfectly-straight
16-lanes-each-direction highway from Los Angeles to Washington. So he
employs all the best surveyors, to make sure the highway is a perfect
straight-line from LA to DC and to make sure it stays perfectly flat.
He subcontracts with only the best construction crews and uses only the
best materials. He decides the existing tunnel-diggers and mountain
removers just aren't up to the job, so he has bigger ones built, ones
that can remove a half-mile swath of the Rockies in a week. They start
in LA, and a few months later, they're overlooking the greater
Washington metropolis.Just
one more hill to remove before they start work on the terminus and the
merging into DC's outer belts. It's a small hill, really, but it's got
to go. So they call in one of the smaller mountain-removers to remove
it, and just as the machine's getting ready to erase the hill, a snake
pops up out of the hill and screams "Wait!"Obviously,
this catches everyone by surprise, so they wait. The snake continues,
"My name's Nate. Nate the Snake. You can't destroy this hill! You
mustn't!""Why not?""Because
there's a lever buried under this hill, and it's attached to a doomsday
device. If the lever is tripped, it'll blow up the entire Earth!"The
engineer consults with his team. "What do you think?" "It's a talking
snake." "Yeah, but do we believe him? Do we go around the hill, or do
we plow it over?" "Do we believe him!? It's a talking snake! Who'd
believe us?" In the end, they decide to err on the side of caution and
build the highway around the hill. So, when they're finished, they've
got a highway running from LA to DC that's perfectly-flat and
perfectly-straight, except for this minor detour around a hill.So
they've got the ribbon-cutting ceremony, and as a perq for designing
and building the highway, the engineer gets to be the very first person
to use it. So he hops into his Lambourghini in LA at dawn and floors
the pedal. 30, 40, 50mph. Shifts into 2d gear. 70, 90, 110mph. He keeps
accelerating until the car just can's go any faster.Shortly
before sunset, he's approaching DC, and he remembers the hill. So he
slows down to around 225mph to negotiate the slight turn. And he sees
Nate crossing the road! He can't squish a talking snake! Especially one
that kept them from blowing up the Earth. So he swerves to avoid
hitting Nate, and plows into the hill at over 200mph. He trips the
lever, and the Earth blows up.The moral of the story...Better Nate than lever.

**Tristan** · Posts: 10 Join date: 2009-04-01

Oh dear Patrick.
That is a terrible joke.
Not quite like Aaron's though.
But still terrible.
Better nate than never.

PM · Posts: 9 Join date: 2009-04-01

Just wait till I post the link to the long version. It's too big to fit in one post and I can't bother, yes can't bother to put it in separate posts.